1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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