wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
