got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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