the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
