I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
