My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
