I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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