Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
