Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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