My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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