Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
