Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
