dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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