alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
