so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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