his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
