I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
