I bet he comes in French.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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