I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I don't deserve a penis
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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