I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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