He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
