so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
