Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
