your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
