i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
