Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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