Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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