Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
