I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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