why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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