she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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