we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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