how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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