I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
