get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
