we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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