I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
