so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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