I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
