LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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