I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
