That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
