I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
