Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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