apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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