so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
