what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
