Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
