I'm jealous of your bromance
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
