this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
