Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
