Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
