She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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