Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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